permission to slow down
I've become more conscious of my thoughts in the past few months. Journaling deserves a big credit. I've been questioning a lot of beliefs I've always walked around with unquestioned. I'm trying to navigate my place in the world. I'm trying to make my peace with the choices I've made, the direction I want to go in, and the legacy I want to leave behind.
I was speaking with a friend and told her that I'm not scared of what will happen after I'm gone. I won't be here to care. I can do the greatest thing, and it will be forgotten. I can do the dumbest thing, and it will be forgotten too. The materialistic possessions haven't solved the happiness equation for anybody.
Of course, I want to live a good life. I want to pass it on to my children. I want to put them ahead in life compared to where I was. I want to go on vacation, enjoy life, and see different countries. That's all good.
What I don't buy into is the desire to accumulate billions of dollars. The need to have a yacht, private jet, or ten servants in my home. What do I need that for? How much will I have to sacrifice to attain that? Why not just listen to people who had it all and were still miserable? Why not focus my energy on enjoying what I have and pushing to get better without sacrificing the quality of life in the moment?
The moment is all I have. I'm not certain of the future. It may or may never be. I'm also not certain if the present might be the best time of my life. I don't want to be 40, look back, and regret having sprinted through the past decade like I did with my 20s.
I want to calm down, take a moment to soak in what I've built. Go a bit slower. I don't know if this is the death of ambition. I don't think I'll regret this in ten years. I won't regret giving myself the permission to be mentally peaceful and happy.