learned helplessness
I tried something and failed. I tried again, but the result didn’t change. I don’t remember when. Somehow, I internalized a sense of helplessness. An unwritten belief that things don’t work out for me. So why even bother?
I’ve started many endeavors. Blogs. Medium. YouTube. Instagram. BriskLimbs. Fluxend. In the end, they’re all abandoned. I never quit straightaway. It starts with deprioritization. I can’t work because something else demands more attention. Then these projects wither away slowly until they’re dead. Or they’re discarded because I’m bored.
That mentality has seeped into other areas too. I’m afraid to make decisions. I want other people and circumstances to force my hand, like a boat floating in a storm. Dead-end job. Unfulfilling relationships. Unsatisfying circumstances. I still stay because the unknown alternative might be worse than the reality I already have.
I’ve learned to accept circumstances and deal with them. If something good happens, great. If not, I roll with whatever cards are available. I’ve become a passive observer instead of an active influencer. How sad is that! How can anything change if I don’t influence it? Why am I looking for handouts and saviors? Why do I expect external elements to bring me a better life? That’s not how it works.
How do I break this cycle? Perhaps, finish something. It doesn’t have to be monumental. Something small but meaningful. An article. A short story. Something. Anything. Then step back and repeat it enough times that proof becomes undeniable.
You’re not worthless. You don’t lack anything. These people whom you follow don’t have any secrets of life. They’re better at hiding their flaws and winging it as they go. You can accomplish whatever you put your mind to. The biggest enemy of your success is YOU.