[{"content":"\nI recently moved to Europe, away from family, friends and everything I held dear. To live on my own. In a country I haven\u0026rsquo;t visited before, with a language I don\u0026rsquo;t understand and a culture I\u0026rsquo;m not familiar with.\nThis massive change brought a set of challenges and discomforts. But I\u0026rsquo;m also experiencing something I haven\u0026rsquo;t fully embraced before.\nSolitude. Space to reflect. Time to understand myself. Opportunity to raise questions and find answers. Though the answers aren\u0026rsquo;t always what you expect.\nI grew up fascinated with unknown and lost in imagination. Stories captivated my soul. I heard them, read them and wrote my own. All without the lust for money.\nThen I was intoxicated by sports. I dreamt about playing professional cricket. A few years later and all I talked about was professional wrestling. Then back and forth between writing and sports. The boat of my passion turned towards programming in late teens. That has been the life for past decade.\nI\u0026rsquo;ve found myself in conflicted state more times than I\u0026rsquo;d like. I want one thing but my actions speak the opposite. I bash myself for not being original. Whatever the heck that means. The biggest goal I had in past few years is accomplished. I\u0026rsquo;ve moved to a beautiful country, unlimited possibility of experiences and work that contributes to something bigger.\nI must face the music once again. The most daunting question echoing in cold dark nights. What now? What\u0026rsquo;s the life I want?\nThe short answer is I want what I don\u0026rsquo;t have. The life I want is the life you have. At least until I experience the price it requires. Then back to admiring someone else unreachable. The long answer? Well.\nWe\u0026rsquo;re told to answer our calling, not follow the herd and be ourselves. But who are we if not a reflection of our upbringing and what we observed being admired around us?\nIf a child grows up watching their respected dad praise paintings with every breath, should we be surprised if he turns into an adult lucid dreaming about producing the next Mona Lisa? Can we say that\u0026rsquo;s who he truly is?\nWho am I? What\u0026rsquo;s my passion? I\u0026rsquo;ve tormented and tortured myself over this question. I\u0026rsquo;m certain the feeling is shared by millions.\nWe\u0026rsquo;re a species of billions, each made with trillions of cells, surrounded by never ending stream of possibilities. Isn\u0026rsquo;t it pretentious to expect that we have one true invisible passion waiting for us? And once we attain the knowledge and follow it religiously, everything will fall into place?\nIf my entire life revolves around a couch, how can I tell if acting isn\u0026rsquo;t what I yearn for? How do I know if I\u0026rsquo;m meant to run marathons? When I think about it deep enough, the destructive effects of this illusion unveil themselves.\nHow many opportunities squandered because \u0026ldquo;that\u0026rsquo;s not who you are\u0026rdquo;? How many projects half assed? How many hours of wasted life waiting for \u0026ldquo;the click\u0026rdquo; and motivation to achieve greatness? The undeniable reality stares at us in disbelief.\nMove. Experience life. Break out of the bubble. If you want someone\u0026rsquo;s life, go find the sacrifices they\u0026rsquo;ve made and the daily price they pay. You won\u0026rsquo;t need a magic ball to answer if that\u0026rsquo;s what you want.\n","permalink":"https://bysaqib.com/posts/2023-03-12-the-life-i-want-is-the-life-you-have/","summary":"\u003cp\u003e\u003cimg alt=\"The life I want is the life you have\" loading=\"lazy\" src=\"/posts/2023-03-12-the-life-i-want-is-the-life-you-have/cover.webp\"\u003e\u003c/p\u003e\n\u003cp\u003eI recently moved to Europe, away from family, friends and everything I held dear. To live on my own. In a country I haven\u0026rsquo;t visited before, with a language I don\u0026rsquo;t understand and a culture I\u0026rsquo;m not familiar with.\u003c/p\u003e\n\u003cp\u003eThis massive change brought a set of challenges and discomforts. But I\u0026rsquo;m also experiencing something I haven\u0026rsquo;t fully embraced before.\u003c/p\u003e\n\u003cp\u003eSolitude. Space to reflect. Time to understand myself. Opportunity to raise questions and find answers. Though the answers aren\u0026rsquo;t always what you expect.\u003c/p\u003e","title":"The life I want is the life you have"},{"content":"Talk is cheap. It is meaningless unless backed by actions.\nHow many times have I failed to execute an action that I had promised myself to?\nHow many times have I knowingly wasted my time even though that\u0026rsquo;s the biggest thing I preach to others?\nHow many times have I delayed a task or completely skipped it knowing that it was going to benefit me if I push through that face?\nHow many times do I tell myself to stick to a habit only to abandon it barely a week later? This has got to stop. I want to leave an impact behind. I want to leave a legacy that impacts people, that impacts my kids and generations to come.\nI don\u0026rsquo;t see it happening if I continue to waste my minutes like they don\u0026rsquo;t mean nothing.\nEvery fucking second counts. I should also start removing emotions. They need to be removed when something tough needs to be done. I must not allow my thoughts to get into the play when I know something is worth doing for sure.\nI must not allow the seeds of doubt to flourish inside of my hand and keep me from working on something that will impact me in the future.\nI must respect my time.\nWho is going to if I don\u0026rsquo;t?\n","permalink":"https://bysaqib.com/posts/2021-10-29-i-must-stick-to-my-word/","summary":"\u003cp\u003eTalk is cheap. It is meaningless unless backed by actions.\u003c/p\u003e\n\u003cp\u003eHow many times have I failed to execute an action that I had promised myself to?\u003c/p\u003e\n\u003cp\u003eHow many times have I knowingly wasted my time even though that\u0026rsquo;s the biggest thing I preach to others?\u003c/p\u003e\n\u003cp\u003eHow many times have I delayed a task or completely skipped it knowing that it was going to benefit me if I push through that face?\u003c/p\u003e","title":"I must stick to my word"},{"content":"3:07 am\nLife is all about perspective, you know. One day you\u0026rsquo;re thinking you have nothing going good in life. You feel like everybody is passing you by. You only think and look at the things that are going bad. Until you take a moment to sit down and think about what\u0026rsquo;s going great. Until you can stop and look at the things that make your life so blissful. Until you stop and realize that you have a wonderful life as it is.\nYou do not need other people\u0026rsquo;s validation for your existence to be meaningful. You do not need everybody to like you. You do not need to make x amount of dollars before you are accepted or mean something. You are fine the way that you are. I mean, it is understandable to want to improve yourself. I would say it is necessary for survival. I would say it\u0026rsquo;s necessary for your life to be satisfactory. But improve for yourself, not to impress others.\nLife is short, it is going to end. We don\u0026rsquo;t know when, we don\u0026rsquo;t know how. Don\u0026rsquo;t die with your dream still inside of you. Don\u0026rsquo;t die with regrets. Don\u0026rsquo;t die with what-ifs and I-wishes. Do things while you still can. Love people, love the family while you still can.\nThrow away all the hatred for things going bad or people doing you wrong. Don\u0026rsquo;t be like them. Be you. Be loving, caring, passionate, and the person that everybody looks to for energy and hope. Be the person who enters the room and nobody can resist turning their head. Be the person who is the fountain of energy for everyone.\nOne day soon, I\u0026rsquo;m going to have kids. And they\u0026rsquo;re going to grow up. Initially, they won\u0026rsquo;t really understand everything, but eventually they will. It\u0026rsquo;s really tricky when it comes to kids. But I think in the end, if they are proud of me and they love me, it means I\u0026rsquo;ve done my job well.\nBut will they be proud of me? Will I be able to give them enough reasons? Will I be able to give them enough guidance for life? Will I be a role model enough? These are the questions that often pop up, that I don\u0026rsquo;t talk about very often. But I\u0026rsquo;m soon going to have to face them. Sooner or later.\nI just hope they live their lives to the fullest.\n","permalink":"https://bysaqib.com/posts/2021-08-27-live-life-to-the-fullest/","summary":"\u003cp\u003e\u003cem\u003e3:07 am\u003c/em\u003e\u003c/p\u003e\n\u003cp\u003eLife is all about perspective, you know. One day you\u0026rsquo;re thinking you have nothing going good in life. You feel like everybody is passing you by. You only think and look at the things that are going bad. Until you take a moment to sit down and think about what\u0026rsquo;s going great. Until you can stop and look at the things that make your life so blissful. Until you stop and realize that you have a wonderful life as it is.\u003c/p\u003e","title":"Live life to the fullest"},{"content":"I drag myself out of the bed\nScreams of night still stuck in my head\nBetter day hopes are slowly crumbling away\nShould I run for the day or would I rather be dead\nDon\u0026rsquo;t wanna face the day\nBut still gotta fight for bread\nDon\u0026rsquo;t wanna feel like crap\nBut still gotta high for med\nDon\u0026rsquo;t wanna cry and weep\nDon\u0026rsquo;t wanna curse and bleep\nDon\u0026rsquo;t wanna shoot me down\nBut life\u0026rsquo;s nothing but dread\nI drag myself out of the bed\nEyes are burning all the walls are red\nI\u0026rsquo;m scratching and clawing but things are slipping away\nI\u0026rsquo;m crying so loud but all the tears are shed\nThought I was sent to shine\nThought I was meant to rhyme\nThought I was here to stay\nThought I had dreams to mine\nThought I was built so strong\nThought I was first in line\nMy hopes have fallen down\nOh God give me a sign\nI tried to drag these thoughts out of my head\nThrowing empty smiles, I\u0026rsquo;m hanging by a thread\nI\u0026rsquo;ve come too far to run, too scared to stay\nDreams are broken now, oh for them I bled\nI\u0026rsquo;m not bleaching lies\nI\u0026rsquo;m too broke to fix\nI\u0026rsquo;m here to laugh and cry\nI know the world can mix\nWish I could walk the fires\nWish I could kill/kiss the flame\nWish I was brave enough\nTo face the hell within\nWish I didn\u0026rsquo;t crave for fame\nWish I didn\u0026rsquo;t feel the shame\nWish I had sense to lose\nWish I had soul to blame\nI know the world is dark\nYou can\u0026rsquo;t just shy from stains\nMy words are cry for help\nOr shit that clogs the drain\nWill I just crash and crawl\nOr will I just bash my brains\nWill I be crowned the king\nOr will I just drown in rains\nWill I just roam these halls\nWill I be caught in crime\nWill I just laugh and smile\nWill I just ever be fine\nWill I just ever be fine\nOh God! Just give me a sign\n","permalink":"https://bysaqib.com/posts/2021-01-01-give-me-a-sign/","summary":"\u003cp\u003eI drag myself out of the bed\u003cbr\u003e\nScreams of night still stuck in my head\u003cbr\u003e\nBetter day hopes are slowly crumbling away\u003cbr\u003e\nShould I run for the day or would I rather be dead\u003c/p\u003e\n\u003cp\u003eDon\u0026rsquo;t wanna face the day\u003cbr\u003e\nBut still gotta fight for bread\u003c/p\u003e\n\u003cp\u003eDon\u0026rsquo;t wanna feel like crap\u003cbr\u003e\nBut still gotta high for med\u003c/p\u003e\n\u003cp\u003eDon\u0026rsquo;t wanna cry and weep\u003cbr\u003e\nDon\u0026rsquo;t wanna curse and bleep\u003cbr\u003e\nDon\u0026rsquo;t wanna shoot me down\u003cbr\u003e\nBut life\u0026rsquo;s nothing but dread\u003c/p\u003e","title":"Give Me a Sign"},{"content":"\nI\u0026rsquo;m Saqib. Software engineer by trade, currently based in Europe after moving away from everything familiar.\nThis is where I keep the stuff that doesn\u0026rsquo;t fit anywhere else. Journal entries, poems, short stories, the occasional longer article. Written mostly for myself, published because hiding it felt like the wrong instinct.\nFind me on GitHub or LinkedIn.\n","permalink":"https://bysaqib.com/about/","summary":"about","title":"About"}]